What Is Biblical Patriarchy?
Patriarchy is a dirty word. You can hardly use it without triggering someone and provoking a wild reaction. The term is used to describe an archaic past when men were evil and tyrannically ruled the world; before science, before enlightenment, and before feminism came to liberate all women, there was only patriarchy. Or worse, people use it to describe the world we live in today as dominated by the power of men, who persist in holding women down. Have you heard of “rape culture,” the “glass ceiling,” or even the “gender wage gap?” All of these social ills are laid at the feet of the patriarchy.
Whether some use the term to refer to the past, and others to the present, everyone can agree on one thing: the patriarchy is evil. But is the truth really so simple? Of course, anything can be taken to an extreme, and I am not saying patriarchy has never done harm. But why does our culture so readily accept patriarchy as evil or obsolete? One can hardly argue that patriarchy is what built Western civilization. Calling all forms of patriarchy as evil is just as silly as calling all men evil.
Before passing judgement on patriarchy, I want to define the word from a Biblical perspective. Let’s start with what it is not...
It Is Not Female Oppression
I am sure there are plenty of historical instances where a corrupt form of patriarchy resulted in female oppression. But Biblical patriarchy has no such result. In fact, I would argue the opposite: that Biblical patriarchy promotes honoring women. Think of the Victorian era where women were held in high esteem and treated with deference and respect. The idea of being a gentleman went hand in hand with patriarchy. The proper way for a gentleman to court a woman was to ask her father. This ensured that women were protected, honored, and esteemed; this authority structure finds its roots in Biblical patriarchy.
Fast forward to today: after the sexual revolution and the explosion of feminism, women are arguably more free than ever. But all these changes have only succeeded in making women more dissatisfied with their lives. The modern sexual marketplace has left women unprotected and disadvantaged. It favors men and it promotes male promiscuity. It’s easier than ever for a man to sleep around and avoid commitment. There is absolutely no accountability, no father to ask permission for, no marriage to commit to, no babies to worry about, and most importantly no expectation from women to commit. How can a feminist ask a man for commitment? The strong independent female is told that she is free to enjoy a sexually promiscuous life thanks to her liberation from the bonds of patriarchy. Therefore, she doesn’t need a man and cannot ask for men to commit after a one night stand. It’s clear now even to some of the feminists on the left that the “#MeToo” movement and the conversation about consent stem from a panic about how female sexual liberation has resulted in female sexual oppression. If women selling themselves on “OnlyFans” is not sexual oppression and degradation, I don’t know what is. In today’s culture, patriarchy is not the cause of female oppression - feminism is!
It Is Not Male Dominance
Male leadership does not equal dominance. A good leader is not a dominant leader; we call dominant leaders “dictators.” The Bible certainly promotes male leadership, but nowhere does it promote male dominance.
Ephesians 5:28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Does this sound like dominance to you? This passage in Ephesians is describing headship and the authority structure within the family. Headship does not imply dominance, but rather authority and leadership. This is a critical difference; for example, the CEO of a company has authority and leadership over his employees, but he does not have dominance over them.
Churches are afraid to preach Biblical patriarchy because they fear that it will be misunderstood as male dominance. Timothy Keller’s sermon on gender roles described male headship as “breaking the tie.” He argues that when a couple cannot make a decision and are stuck due to contradicting opinions, the husband gets to break the tie as the head of the family - this is a total cop-out on the Biblical view of headship. I don’t know any CEO who would describe his job as “breaking the tie.” Headship implies clear leadership, authority, and responsibility. This does not mean dominance, but we cannot be so afraid of bad-faith accusations of male dominance that we compromise what the Scriptures actually say.
It Is Not Soft Complementarianism
Soft complementarianism, or “soft comp,” is a term coined by Aaron Renn, a blogger and podcaster who I greatly respect.. He argues that complementarianism was formed as a reaction to feminism and egalitarianism in the church. Over the years, it has been watered down and become “soft,” in the sense that church leaders no longer hold fast to the scriptural ideas of headship and gender roles in the church. I strongly agree with his take, and I view soft comp as a far cry from what Biblical patriarchy should look like. I experienced this first hand when I attended the Summit church in Durham, North Carolina where J.D. Greer, who served as president of the Southern Baptist Convention at the time, was the head pastor. This particular Sunday, Greer invited a woman named Jen Wilkins on to the stage and interviewed her about women’s role in the church. There was no sermon that Sunday - neither Greer nor Wilkins even shared a Bible verse to back up their points. They instead preached the soft-comp idea that while women cannot be elders or pastors, they should be involved in the church in more ways than what is traditionally allowed. Jen Wilkins was the director of Sunday school at Matt Chandler’s The Village Church, and she argued that while she could not preach to men directly, she could still organize and direct adult Sunday school material for the church as a Bible teacher. Her argument was not supported by any scriptural reference, but rather by an impassioned belief that “the church needs maternal influences and voices too.” This is a classic example of how the Southern Baptist Convention, as well as many mainstream churches today, are handling gender roles. This is not Biblical patriarchy and it will not last. As Aaron Renn says, complementarianism is dying - feminists do not find it progressive enough, and Christians are realizing its lack of Biblical backing.
So What Is Biblical Patriarchy?
We have covered all that Biblical patriarchy is not; now let’s talk about what it is.? Biblical patriarchy is all about headship. The Bible states that God the Father is the head of Christ, that Christ is the head of the church, and likewise the husband is the head of the wife and family.
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.
Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
Headship implies authority structure. But authority does not imply dominance. The feminist worldview reacts so negatively to these verses and has a difficult time accepting headship of the husband over the wire. But do we have the same reaction when talking about the headship of God the Father over Christ? Christians believe in the Trinity and understand that this headship does not make Christ lesser or unequal to God the Father. Yet when it comes to the headship of the husband, we struggle with the concept because of our feminist influences. The same concept applies to submission to elders in the church: submitting to another person’s authority does not imply inequality or that one is less than the other person. To put it simply, Biblical patriarchy means that the husband is the head, leader, and patriarch of the family. This headship is a position of authority; not a position of dominance, but a position of leadership. This authority structure has lasted for thousands of years, and it’s only in recent history that it has been demonized and banished from our culture.
Why Is Biblical Patriarchy Important?
Biblical patriarchy gave our society the framework for men to pursue marriage, build families, and lead communities. Just as the clearly defined rules of courtship in the Victorian era provided clear boundaries for men and women during courtship, the patriarchy provided a framework for men to build families. This patriarchy also demanded more from men. It meant that men had to be providers, protectors, and leaders of their home. This was not just an option; it was a requirement for all men who wanted to pursue marriage and build families. This required men to cultivate character traits such as strength, commitment, honor, courage, and responsibility. In another word, patriarchy was a costly endeavor for men. In contrast, what has feminism wrought? Feminism and the sexual revolution broke all the rules and turned the world upside down. Men no longer needed to be providers and sex no longer became confined to marriage. This resulted in young men pursuing sex without commitment. This is evident in most westernized countries by the decline in marriage and birth rates among young people today. When young men are pursuing cheap sex and are no longer required to pay the cost of being a patriarch of a family, it’s no wonder that women are asking the question “where are all the good men?” Maybe the society that we live in no longer breeds good men because we are producing weak men.
And feminism does nothing to remedy this problem; it reduces men to a sack of potatoes. In the world of feminism, men are not needed to lead, protect, or provide. Women can earn their own living (often better than men), protection can be provided by the structure of civilization, and even procreation can be done without men with the help of a sperm bank and IVF technology. It’s no wonder that we have the phenomena of “incels” and “MGTOW.” These despairing communities often decry marriage as a raw deal for men in the feminist age, where men are required to pay the price of responsibility without the rightful position as the head of the family. It’s no surprise that the majority of men are pursuing cheap sex and that the majority of women cannot find “good men.”
The question has always been “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Feminism has no satisfying answer. Biblical patriarchy requires men to buy the cow and take responsibility for the cow and its offspring. Such a thing used to be called husbandry.